Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
