I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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