I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
