Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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