***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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