We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
