Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
