What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Couch. On fire.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
