How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
