Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
