I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
