This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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