i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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