When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He felt like a one man threesome
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
