O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
