mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Damn victory sex feels great
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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