Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
