i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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