True but thats because hes a fetus.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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