called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
