please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
