We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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