Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
