I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
