A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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