is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
