We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
