So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
