when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
