btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
