It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
