i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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