Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
