Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
