What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
