If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
not ubering you a puppy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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