I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
