Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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