i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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