I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
