it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
