Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
