Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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