Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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