is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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