so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
