based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
