i would punch a child for taco bell
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
