we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They took my balls.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
