I accidentally burped into my bong.
its not stalking. its research.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
