Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
