guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My balls are so social today.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
