Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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