Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
