Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
did i just pee glitter
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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