oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
