she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
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Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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