He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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