do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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