Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
