Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
