I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
