I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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