o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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