whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
