You made me cry and you don't even care
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
