I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
